What are you doing?
by Arsinoe Selene
Summary: Formaly in LoTR, Too many different char popped up. With my author powers, I bring Paris, prince of Troy, Aragorn, Legolas, and Will Turner among others to my 'house'. Fangirls are included in package.
1. Apple juice

Summery: I bring various hot guys into my 'house', and see what ensues. Completely, totally, and utterly pointless. I got bored while lying in bed not being able to sleep.

Disclaimer: However much I want to own them, I don't, and sadly never will. Only in my Lala Land do I own them.

My name is Sara, but I feel like using the name Tris, or Trisana.

444444444444 a beach house on the coast of California...

_I am so bored. Wait, I know, I have the power of computers! _I walk over to the table and get my laptop, then put a CD in the stereo. After making 'All-Star' start, I go sit down on the padded bench near the big, tall windows. _Open, start up, MSWord, type._

Will Turner appears in the middle of the floor.

"What happened?!"

"Calm down, I will explain in a moment." He looks nervously at my nine rottweiler mix dogs; Ardent, Fear, Good Cheer, Rage, Sorrow, Joy, Steadfast, Terror, and Bliss. Their names are studded on their black leather collars.

"Will they hurt me?" I look down at them, as they growl softly.

"Only if I tell them to. Please, have a seat." He sits on one of the couches, and I continue typing. Aragorn and Legolas appear kneeling where Will just was, and don't move, eyes on the dogs. "Hello," I say without looking up from my screen. "do not mind the dogs, have a seat, I will explain everything."

Getting up slowly and keeping his eyes on the dogs, Aragorn backs up, and almost trips over the coffee table. Legolas turns slightly and sits on one of the couches.

"Careful." Will says. Aragorn looks to him quickly.

"So you're here too." He nods. Next, Paris, Prince of Troy appears, swearing profusely in Greek or whatever.

"Oh, sorry!" I type some more, and his curses turn to English. "Censers." I say, getting up and putting my hand over his mouth. "Have a seat, and I will explain in a moment." He sits on the same couch as Will, and they look at each other, confused. Standing, I walk to the middle of the room.

"Now will you tell us what is going on?" Will asks.

"Yes. I have brought all of you here so that I will not be so bored." Paris gives me a strange look. "No, don't be nasty, Paris. You have nothing to fear from my dogs, as they are very well trained. Come, I'll give you the grand tour." We go down the hall, and I point to the doors. "First door, is the kitchen, then a storage area, then a bathroom, then a bedroom. Now, upstairs." Heading up the stairs, we come to another short hallway. Pointing to the door on the left, I say, "this is the master bedroom, a.k.a., my bedroom. Stay out of it. There is another bedroom at the end of the hall with an adjoining bathroom." Back downstairs, we all sit on the couches.

"Now what?" Aragorn asks.

"Dunno. You hungry?" I get four no's.

"You have anything to drink?" Legolas asks.

"Yeah. I have Kool-Aid, water, Gatorade, soda, milk, juice..."

"How about wine?" Legolas asks.

"No."

"Rum?" Will says hopefully.

"No."

"Beer?" Aragorn asks, exasperated.

"No."

"Do you have anything alcoholic?!" Paris asks.

"No." catching their near murderous looks, I explain. "I'm not old enough to by anything alcoholic. You have to have photo ID to prove that you are at least 21. I am 15."

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The next morning, Aragorn is passed out with from about the waist up hanging over the arm of one couch, Will is on the other end, one leg hanging down, the other leg on the top of the couch, arms spread-eagled, and his head lolled to one side. Legolas is face down under the coffee table, head to one side. Paris is on the other couch, the right two-thirds of his body hanging off the long side. Tris has her lower back resting on his stomach, legs on the top of the back of the couch, head and arms hanging down.

The first to wake up is Aragorn, who starts slipping forwards, head first, and doing a summersault as he lands.

"OW!" he sits up rubbing his head where he hit it on the floor. This wakes up Will and Legolas, who tries to lift his head, but hits it on the table.

"Awww..." He groans. Paris and Tris slip off the couch, Paris somehow ending up slightly on top of Tris.

"Oh, man..." She says, as Paris groans. "Get off." She says, shoving him off, and consequently into the coffee table.

"Ow..." He groans again.

"What did you give us last night?" Will wonders aloud. Tris grabs the bottle that is on the table, and looks at it, then tosses it aside.

"Apple juice."

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Totally lame-ass, but it wouldn't leave me alone, so shut up. Review, flame, praise, whatever. If you want to be a rabid fangirl and help burn/hurt Arwen and or Helen and or Elizabeth, tell me.


	2. Spongebob Squarepants!

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, Joe Boxer, Spongebob Squarepants, Comcast, or the Crazy Shirts Company, so don't sue me.

**_Ana:_** Thank you!

**_Marpessa:_** I am not going to reply other than this: The only reason you don't leave an e-mail or a fanfiction pen name, is that you know what you are doing could be considered stalking or harassing. Do not review for my stories again.

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"How did we get drunk off of apple juice, anyway?" Legolas asks, having to army crawl out from under the table so as to not hit his head again.

"No idea." I answer.

"Now what are we going to do?" Will asks.

"I don't know what you are going to do, but I am going to go feed my dogs, then check my e-mail." Walking to the storage room, I put food in each of the nine bowls, and put them in the hall for them to eat. The dogs come quickly to feed.

Over by the window on the bench, I open my laptop and startup the Internet.

"Uh, let's see, Comcast, DELETED! Fanfiction review, oh yay." I read it silently, then start laughing. "Come here, guys, you have to read this." They come over and read it, though they don't laugh at it, because they most likely don't understand it.

"How is this funny? It doesn't even make any sense." Paris asks me.

"No, this girl was on a sugar high when she reviewed." They just kind of nod and look confused. Oh well. "And no more e-mail." I shut everything down.

"Do you have a bath somewhere that I can use?" Aragorn asks. Everyone looks at him.

"Sure. I can do better than that. We have _showers._" He looks at me blankly. "Follow me, all of you." I lead them down the hall easily, because my dogs have finished eating. In the bathroom, I show them the shower. "You turn it on like this." I turn the hot water knob, and they looks at it as if it is possessed. "Yes, it is called 'running water'. It is similar to a bath, but you stand instead of sit. The knob with the 'H' is hot water, and the one with 'C' is cold water. Be careful, it can get either very hot or very cold. Would you like some new clothes to change into?"

"Yes, that would be nice." He answers.

"Alright. I'll go get them." Heading upstairs, the boys stay in the living room talking about the wonders of running water. In my room, I go through one of the drawers, producing a pair of boxers and an extra large t-shirt. Heading back downstairs, they are still talking.

"Is there anywhere else with running water?" Legolas asks me. I stop at the small landing.

"Yes. Anywhere you see a sink with a drain at the bottom, it has running water." I smile at them, then throw the clothes at Aragorn, who catches them. "Be back in a few minutes." I go back upstairs and get three more sets of boxers and t-shirts for the others when they decide to wash up.

Back downstairs, Aragorn has gotten into the shower, and Paris is poking the TV. Will and Legolas are watching Paris. He hits the power button.

"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!" The Spongebob theme music is playing. He tips backwards with a look of almost pure terror on his face.

"Ready?"

"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS,"

"Spongebob... Squarepants! Ahahaharr." Ah, Band Geeks, cool.

"W-what is this devilry?" Paris asks.

"It is called a Television, or just TV." I reply, laughing. "Here, I brought you all some clothes to change into when you take a shower or bath." I chuck the clothes at their heads. Legolas catches his easily, Will barely does, and Paris somehow gets the boxers caught on his head, while the shirt falls to his lap.

"How does it work?" Will asks. I come down the rest of the stairs.

"No idea, and I don't really care." They each unfold their clothes and look at them. Paris has a red 'Red Gecko, Hot Chili Co.' crazy shirt. Will a grey 'Blackbeard's Sunset Cruises, We Get The Booty' shirt. Legolas has a green 'Maui Croppers' shirt. All of the boxers are some form of Spongebob.

"Maybe we should play so quietly, that no one can hear us." I love Spongebob. We watch for a few minutes, until Aragorn comes out wearing a brown 'Gecko Espresso' shirt. After looking at him quickly, I go back to watching my cartoons.

"What is this?" He asks, pointing to the TV.

"TV. And this is a cartoon called Spongebob Squarepants. The same one that is on your boxers." I tell him. The other three of them take their showers, and all come out in their new shirts and boxers.

"I'm hungry." Will says.

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Yeah, ran out of ideas here. Have to think of something interesting for breakfast.


	3. What have you done NOW?

Disclaimer: (sigh) I wish I owned them, but I don't. Anything that you even think you recognize, most likely I don't own it. Such as Aunt Jemima pancake mix, PS2, or 'Monty Python'.

**_Couturecutie: _**Sorry, not going to do sticky caps on your name. Yes, normally I don't do the whole 'characters meet' thing, but oh well. I liked the TV part too.

**_Lady Nicole Potter:_** Thank you!

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Ehhh, right. (laughs) First kind of story like this, huh? Well, there's a first time for everything, I guess. Which shirt? Aloha to you too.

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"I can make pancakes." They all make sort of agreeing sounds. Getting up, I go into the kitchen and get out the cast iron griddle. Uhng, heavy. Hmm, Aunt Jemima mix or scratch? Scratch. While the griddle heats, I mix up the batter and the boys come to watch. Then, I get out the bag of chocolate chips. Mmm. Chocolate chip pancakes.

"Do you need any help?" Paris asks.

"Sure, could you get some plates out of the cupboard over there?"

"Of course." He gets them without incident as I start cooking up the pancakes. Now, the very yummy part, a sprinkling of chocolate chips.

At the table, they all seem to enjoy the pancakes. Lots of yummy noises. They help me with the dishes, and then we go sit on the couches to see what is on TV.

"Ah yes. Weekday morning TV, all crap." I say.

"Now what?" Legolas asks.

"How about some music?" Getting up, I walk over to the stereo, put in a CD, and turn it up. The Austin Powers International man of Mystery soundtrack, very cool.

Half an hour later...

"That was very... odd." Aragorn says.

"You mean kinky? Yes, it is." I look at my watch. "Oh no. I have to go to school, and unfortunately, I will have to leave you four here alone."

"Why can't we come?" Will asks. I sigh.

"Because you would all be mobbed by rabid fangirls and submitted to many kinds of torture." At the rabid fangirls point, they all shudder. "Feel free to watch TV, have a snack from the fridge, just don't level the house." I say, grabbing my backpack and putting it on. "I'll be back around two twenty." Exiting the front door, I lock it and go to school.

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"What have you DONE?!" I yell.

"Well, we found a movie called 'Psycho' on TV, and I was wondering if we could get any of the people from there here like you got us here." Aragorn says sheepishly. Apparently the new version of 'Psycho' with Vince Vaughn as Norman was on.

"You brought Norman Bates HERE?!?! Are you insane?!" They have him duct taped to a kitchen chair with his hands behind him. I sigh. "Oh no, what happened to you, Paris?" He, Will, and Legolas are all looking at his arm, which is bleeding pretty well.

"He took a knife to me." Taking my glasses off, I rub my eyes, then put them back on. At least one of them was smart enough to put a tourniquet on his arm.

"Stay there, I'll be right back." I run upstairs, grab the first aid kit from my bathroom, and come back down. "Aragorn!" I shout as I pull up a chair next to Paris and open the little box. Legolas and Will sit on either side of Norman, who is talking to his 'mother'. Pointing to Norman, I say, "You are a perverted little fruit!"

"Yes?" There is a certain tone of uneasiness in Aragorn's voice.

"Get my laptop, and open up a new document." I say to him, then to Paris. "This is going to sting, but I need you to hold still, alright?" He nods.

"I got it. Now what?" Aragorn sits on a chair near Paris and me.

"Type something about Norman Bates going back to where he came from." There is some clicking of the keys, and Norman disappears as I pour some Hydrogen Peroxide on a washcloth. Gently, I hold Paris's arm still and dab the cloth on his arm, both removing the blood and cleaning it at the same time.

"Ow!"

"I told you it was going to sting." Once the blood is mostly cleared away, I get a good look at the actual wound. "Oh, I hope you aren't going to need stitches." He pales visibly. "It's fairly deep, but we may be able to get away with steri-strips." Rummaging through the box, I get out a pack of steri-strips and a pair of scissors. Cutting them to size, I put them on his arm, then cover the whole thing in gauze. "There, just don't mess with it for a while, and it should be fine."

"I would like to say that it was not my idea to bring Norman Bates here." Legolas says, trying to defend himself.

"I don't care who's idea it was. Now," I switch to my little kiddie voice. "what have we all learned today?" Silence. "We have learned not to bring perverted, psychopathic fruits that talk to their dead mother's whom they keep in the basement to our house." They all avert their eyes from mine. "Let's watch a different movie now." I get a DVD of 'Monty Python' and put it in. Soon, we are all laughing, having forgotten the whole incident.

"That was funny."

"Duh, that's why we watched it, Will."

"Don't you have any homework?" Paris asks. I think for a moment.

"No."

444 Later that same afternoon, after the boys changed into some long cargo shorts...

Will, Paris, and Legolas are sitting on the floor with a dog lying in their laps. Aragorn is lying on one of the couches petting the head of another dog.

"It's really hot in here."

"You swing that way, Aragorn? Unless you're talking about me?" I reply, smiling. He tips his head so that he can look at me.

"No, I mean the temperature of the air is too hot."

"So, take your shirt off." Paris looks like he hadn't thought of that before, and that it was a good idea. Will looks surprised. Aragorn looks confused, and Legolas looks almost scandalized.

"Good idea." Paris says, then proceeds to take his shirt off while I hum the stripper song. he gives me a weird look, and I stop. Much yummy-ness. Will also takes his shirt off, though a little more reluctantly.

"Come on you two, take them off! If you take your shirts off, I'll take mine off." I bribe. Looking at each other briefly, they hurriedly remove their shirts.

"Come on, now you have to take yours off, you promised."

"Yes, I did, Legolas." Thank goodness for sports bras. So here we are, three adult guys and a teenage girl lounging, alone, with nine dogs in a beach house on the California coast. Sound pretty kinky, doesn't it? Well it's not. Get your minds out of the gutters.

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If any of you want to be fangirls/boys, if you happen to swing that way, just review and tell me.


	4. Dinner!

Disclaimer: You should know better than to think I owned any of the hot guys mentioned in this fic.

**_The Evil Cup of Tea:_** I saw you at school, you ain't dead. (laughs) Yes, funny, and I shall keep writing. I might put you in the next chapter just because I want to, though I may get hit with a soda bottle at school the next day.

**_Lady Nicole Potter: _**Yay, First Fangirl! So, do you want a certain hot boy, or just all of them? What color hair, eyes, how you dress, favorite food, are you in choir or band or orchestra, if so what do you play, name. I told you to get your mind out of the gutters!

I will still be taking orders for fangirls/boys, just give me your name, which of the boys you want, hair and eye color, favorite food, how you dress, if you are in choir, band or orchestra and if so what you play. It will come up in the next chapter.

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After a while it cools off, and we all put our shirts on again. The sun is starting to set, so I decide to make dinner. Hmm, what to make for four guys and myself? Spaghetti? No. Burgers? Nah. Quiche? Ooo, quiche is yummy, that works.

"Do you need some help?" Oh, Legolas is so helpful. As I begin getting things out for the pastry crust, I instruct him and the others.

"Yes, thank you. You can grate some cheese for me with the evil grater." Yes, the grater is evil. I get it out and the block of cheddar cheese and direct him over to the table so that he won't be in the way. "Aragorn, could you do the bacon?"

"Sure." He says, and I get out a frying pan and the pre-sliced turkey bacon from the 'fridge. What? It's yummy. Go away.

"Just cut it up into half inch pieces and cook it in the pan." He nods, and proceeds to do such. "Paris, if you could break some eggs and whisk them up with some milk? Will, you can help me with the crust." They are really good workers. After blind baking the crust, I put everything in and we let it bake.

"I have never seen such a beautiful sunset." Legolas says.

"That's because you have never been on a western coast during one." A huge flock of birds fly across the water. Not in a huge mass, but a really long line of them. They seem to go on forever, just like every night.

"What lake is that? It is very large." Aragorn asks.

"I don't think that is a lake." Paris says.

"I don't think so either." Will agrees.

"No, it isn't a lake. It is the Pacific Ocean." I tell them. "How about some video games while dinner is cooking?"

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"Ha ha! I win again!"

"Dude! How can you win almost every time on 'Disney's Magical Racing Tour' when you have just started playing it, when I have been playing it for over a year? Riddle me that, Will."

"I have no idea." I get up and take the quiche out of the oven. Aragorn is sitting on the bench by the windows playing minesweeper on my laptop, Legolas is reading 'Poodle: The Other White Meat', The Second Sherman's Lagoon Collection, and Paris is playing with a Rubik's Cube. It seems to have him stumped.

"What are we going to do about the sleeping arrangements?" Aragorn asks.

"There are only four beds, and five of us."

"Correction, Legolas. There are four of you, and one of me. Now, unless two of you want to do sleepovers, one of you will be in my room with me." They look at each other uncomfortably.

So, they will be taking turns on who is going to sleep with me. Paris has the first night. Get your filthy minds out of the gutters. We are both fully clothed, I have Happy Bunny pants and a big T-shirt, he has plaid pants and a shirt. Don't be disgusting, it is a king-sized bed.

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I am still taking recruits for fangirls, and Will is already taken. Oh, and I can make pastry crust, if any of you doubt my abilities, I will whack you with a cast iron griddle.


	5. fangirls!

Disclaimer: Wow, I so wish I owned any of the things in this fic. (shakes head)

**_Dark Borg Drone:_** Yay! Cool name, and yes, you can have Aragorn.

**_Evenstar-archer:_** Thank you! There might be some snogging, but nothing more than that. PG-13.

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Alright, can do! I'm only putting you in because I already know a lot about you. The key to his undies? I don't think I want to know...

**_Lady Nicole Potter:_** Thank you! Choir, good... not sure about the whip... I have thought about becoming a pastry chef. It really is quite easy.

**_Aranel-Nenharma:_** Give me some information about you, and you're in. Glad I made you laugh. Plot? What plot? (looks around for a trace of a plot)

Wow, I was sort of expecting at least one flamer saying that this story is stupid and pointless... 'cause it is! Hahaha. Oh well. It's fun. (smiles) Ang is pronounced like the beginning of Angela, same with Angie. She's my friend at school. Oh, and other than Aus, can any of you drive? It may be, umm... 'important'.

Oh, and I think I forgot to mention that there is a queen sized bed and a twin sized bed in the downstairs bedroom.

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We all wake up and go downstairs. I get hot chocolate for everybody, as mornings here tend to be cool and foggy. I'm wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and the boys are wearing cargo shorts and T-shirts. Aragorn has camo shorts, Legolas navy blue, Paris a deep red, and Will chocolate brown.

"Hey, Aragorn. Go out and get the newspaper, will you?" I ask. He gets up groggily and opens the front door.

"Aragorn!" Comes a happy shout from outside. Aragorn slams the door and leans up against it, mug steaming in his hand, and a look of terror on his face.

"What?" He just stares at me with wild eyes. Sighing, I get up and get him away from the door and open it. He whimpers as I do so, and I slip out and close the door behind me.

"Hello!"

"Oh, it's just you, Eruanne. The way Aragorn came inside it made me thing some guy with a knife was chasing him." She has dark brown hair and blue eyes, and a dufflebag.

"No, just me." She smiles.

"Come on in." I motion with my hand and open the door. Inside, Aragorn is cowering behind Legolas, who is slightly afraid of whatever Aragorn is afraid of. My dogs growl softly.

"You are afraid of her?" Paris asks. Aragorn looks slightly embarrassed.

"This is Eruanne. You will be nice to her, and will not run away, Aragorn. She likes you. Here, I'll show you to your room." I take her to the downstairs bedroom. "You get to share the big bed with him." There is a knock at the door. "Come on out when you're ready."

Going back to the door, I wade through the dogs who are growling, and open it to see my friend Angie there. She too has a dufflebag, and long brown hair in a ponytail. "Hey Angie. Come on in." She catches sight of Will.

"Will!" She cries happily. I laugh.

"Upstairs, to the right." She skips off to the upstairs bedroom. Going outside, I get the paper out of the mailbox, and start walking back.

"Hey!" I turn my head, and see two more girls, one stepping out of the driver's side of a red truck, and another over the bed of the truck getting out a dufflebag.

"Hey Aus." I say to the one getting out, who is eighteen.

"Sergeant Keira Davies at your service!" Says the one getting her bag.

"She's always like that." Oh, I love her accent. Australian. She grabs her own bag and a sleeping bag from the bed of the truck, and they both follow me inside. Inside, a few of the dogs bark half-heartily.

"Two more to join the ranks!" I motion to Aus. "This is Aus," I now motion to Keira. "and this is Sergeant Keira Davies." She salutes. "Aus, you will be in the downstairs bedroom on the smaller bed." She nods her head, smiling, and goes off to put her stuff in there. "Sorry, but you will have to sleep on the couch, I don't have any more beds."

"That's alright." She puts her things down at the end of one of the couches. Eruanne is sitting close to Aragorn, so close that she is almost on top of him, and Angie is doing the same with Will on the other end of the couch. I sit down next to Paris as Aus runs in and glomps Legolas, sitting on his chest.

"Hello Leggy!" He looks at me slightly fearfully. I simply smile.

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HaHA!! Fangirls have entered! I do not need anymore fangirls.


	6. Concert

Disclaimer: I wish, as do many of you girls out there…

**_Aranel-Nenharma:_** You did not give me the information I wanted…

**_Lady Nicole Potter:_** It is too pointless! Pointless and fun. Oo, that's… not good.

**_Rose-Eye-Blonde91: (5 times)_** Hello! Yes, WHO NEEDS A BLOODY PLOT?!?! Haha. 4, 2, whatever. I will put you in 'cause you can drive, and that will be needed soon. ROCK ON HAPPY BUNNY!! You were so hyper at that last review, weren't you?

**_Aussiesportstar:_** OO! I love green eyes!!! Don't know why, just do… I am glad you are old enough to buy alcohol… this will get very entertaining… Hehehe…

**_Legolover:_** Oo, we have our first burner. Yeah, I already have more than I was planning on having.

**_Dark Borg Drone:_** Yeah, just thought it was cool. Okay…

I'm going back to Sara, because I feel like it.

The reason for the choir thing comes up in this chapter.

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"Hello Leggy!" He looks at me slightly fearfully. I simply smile. My dogs start barking. "What is it?"

"Hello in there?!" Comes a British voice from outside the door, then a thumping like of a shoe on the door.

"Now who could that be? As if I didn't know…" I say, getting up to get the door. The boys whimper. Opening the door, there is a girl with blonde hair, a large duffel bag, and a sleeping bag standing there. "Hey Ella. Come on in." I take her sleeping bag.

"Thank you." She says.

"Oh no, not another one."

"Aragorn, be nice! She isn't going to be swooning over anybody in particular, just a little over all of you." Then to Ella I say, "You will have to sleep out here, I haven't got anymore beds."

444

"And it's raining." Paris observes.

"Yeah… and is this a surprise to you?"

"I thought California was supposed to be sunny." Eruanne says, who is playing a game of 'poke the Aragorn'.

"Ha! We aren't far enough south. We would have to be around Disneyland for it to be sunny and warm in November, and not on the coast. It's even worse up near San Francisco."

"Oh! We get to bring our dresses for choir home today!" Eruanne remembers.

"Oo, that's right!" Keira agrees.

"And our concert is tonight!" I add.

444

When we get home from school, the three of us have black dress bags with the school insignia on them and our names.

"Sara, I want to show you something." Paris calls.

"Not now, Paris. We have to get ready for the concert. We have to be there in a few hours."

We have a quick dinner, and my dogs start whining. I get up and get out my laptop, sending the nine of them back to the Crown of Stars series.

"Quiet, thank you." Nine of them was getting to be a bit much.

"Can I show you now?" Paris asks. All of the girls get dressed, Keira, Eruanne, and myself in our Les Chanteuses dresses, Aus, Angie, and Ella slightly dressed up. Not really too much, though.

"Evil shoes…" I mutter, coming down the stairs. Character shoes are not comfy.

"What about the boys? They can't really go dressed like that." Aus says. I look at them, then go to my trusty laptop, and put them all in button down shirts and black slacks. Legolas in a medium green, Aragorn in a rust/terra cotta, Paris in medium blue, and Will in dark red.

"Better?" They nod. "Good." I smile. Paris takes my right hand, twirls me three times, spins me towards him, and dips me, causing my toe to point into the air. He brings me back up, and I stare at him.

"I tried to show you before, but you were too busy."

"Wow. One question, though. Were you watching KQED or something this morning?" He nods. "Aus, try to keep them away from educational television in the mornings, will you?"

"Okay, I'll try."

444

In Aus's truck there is Legolas, Paris Sergeant Keira and I. In Ella's truck there is Angie, Will, Euranne and Aragorn.

We drive to the collage, chatting the whole way.

444

"Oh, that was so fun!" I say as we get inside. I'm just glad we have Friday off. Three day weekend, yea-ha.

We all change into sleep clothes, and then come out and sit on the couches.

"Oh! I just remembered! I went out and got it today." Aus exclaims, jumping up from Legolas's side.

"She got what, when?" Angie asks, confused.

Wine. No. Frickin'. Way. Rum, too.

"Shh," She says, putting a finger to her lips. "Don't tell anyone. If anyone asks, I didn't give alcohol to minors."

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Sorry for taking so long to update. I'm bad. School has drained me of most creative inspiration, so I will blame it on that.


	7. Rum and wine and scotch oh my!

Disclaimer: (sigh) I wish you would stop bugging me. It's killing my self-esteem.

**_Ara, Goddess of the broken:_** Wow, I can really tell who does and does not read the A/N's. Hahaha, I laugh!

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Oo, I will, don't worry about that. Absinthe, too I think. Hot Swiss boys, eh? (smiles)

**_Lady Nicole Potter:_** That is a very real possibility. Or Blackjack, same idea.

**_Dark Borg Drone:_** What are you confused about? Did I screw up some of the traits? If I did I'm sorry.

Oh, this is going to be fun…

3rd person for now.

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All of the girls and guys were strewn about the living room, asleep or passed out, not sure which for each of them. Aus was lying perpendicular on Legolas, her back resting on his stomach, empty rum bottle in hand. Eruanne had her head resting on Aragorn's chest, and his arm was around her. Both of these couples were on the floor.

Angie had her arms around Will's neck, sitting in his lap. He, in turn, had one around her back, and one under her legs, and leaning back against the arm of one of the couches. Sara had her arms around Paris's neck, and his arms were around her. He was lying on the other couch, and she was closer to the back of it.

Sergeant Keira and Ella were sleeping like puppies on a certain Gabriel Van Helsing. Ella had her legs on his, and was face up. Sergeant Keira was face down with one arm over his chest.

There were empty bottles of scotch, bourbon, whiskey, vodka, gin, wine (not many of these) rum, and one of absinthe, interestingly enough.

Let's see what happened last night, shall we?

4previous night, after they got home from the concert…

Legolas was the only one that was completely coherent. All the others were drunk as a skunk.

"VAN HELSING!" Sara shouted, then tipped over onto Paris's lap. Wait, Paris', Paris's, Pari… I don't know. Everybody laughed at her randomness.

"He ith hot." A voice slurred from the floor. That didn't really narrow down who said it, most of them were on the floor anyway. This gave Sara an idea. A drunk idea, but an idea nonetheless.

Rolling off of the couch, she hit the floor, and started laughing some more. She was able to get herself under control enough to type something on her laptop.

Van Helsing stood in the middle of the room, holding a bottle of absinthe. Can you guess what the only thing that gets Elves drunk is?

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I'm sorry for not updating for so long and for the short chapter. Don't hurt me!


	8. Drunken Tounge Twisters

Disclaimer: Yet again, I don't own anything. All I own is this nutsy idea -if you could even call it that- for a story. The girls own their respective selves, and the hot man-flesh characters are owned by the hot man-flesh actors. I guess I own myself. But I think my parents also own me.

**_Dark Borg Drone:_** (Blink- blink) Huh?

**_Lady Nicole Potter:_** Mmm… Van Helsing… Huh? Oh, sorry. Yeah, hotness. Took my time on this one, too, sorry.

**_Aussiesportstar:_** No, I wasn't. (smiles)

**_Rose-Eye-Blonde91:_** Alcohol… never had the stuff in real life…

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"Rubber baby buggy bumpers." Sara said slowly and carefully.

"Roober booby booggy boopers." Aragorn said. Everybody broke out into hysterics. He was horrible at tongue twisters. The others had their moments, but were generally pretty good.

"You said booby!" Paris shouted, tipping over on the couch onto his side. Everybody was still laughing.

"Okay, okay, here's another one. Aluminum linoleum." Sara added, barely under control. After saying it a few times, everyone was just saying 'alunninum ninolium.' Again, there were hysterics through the ranks.

"Unique New York, unique New York, you know you need unique New York."

"Have I ever told you about the time Aragorn and me got stuck in a book? It was mad."

"You have had waaaay to much to drink, Legolath." Aus said, smiling.

"No, really. We wath both sthqueezed in thar…" He tipped over onto Aus's lap, giggling like a little girl. Aus also started to giggle, and leaned over onto him.

"Moo-thic, anyone?" Ella asked, and 'walked' over to the stereo, putting in Dr. Demento, Weird Al, and Cledus T. Judd.

If you have ever listened to any of them, you know how fun it is to listen to when you are sober. Now, imagine when you are high off sugar and alcohol. Yeah, interesting.

Sergeant Keira and Ella were each sitting on one side of Van Helsing, who was sitting on the couch with an arm around each of them. Angie tapped Paris on the chest with the back of her hand and pointed to Van Helsing.

"Hey, Parith, he'th even more of a man whore than you are." Everybody laughed in a very drunken way, while the music in the background was singing, 'They're coming to take me away, ha ha, they're coming to take me away, ho ho, he he, ha ha, to the funny farm…' How appropriate.

Eventually, everybody passed out or fell asleep. Not were they were sitting, necessarily, but still…

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Wow, I am so sorry about not updating. Don't hurt me! (cowers)


	9. Sleepy Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim to own nothing, but wish to own everything.

**_Lazzynewtt:_** (claps with glee) Your name made me think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"She turned me into a newt! … I got better."

Thank you for the review!

**_Enigmagirl2727:_** Thank you! I hope Van Helsing is good enough, I'm not adding any more guys… maybe…(Dr. Evil pinky)

**_Anonymous:_** That's so totally awesome, dude!

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Yeah, I know you wouldn't. (looks at shrine) Wow. Crap, I need to do that, don't I…

**_Nicole Potter:_** I know, I'm sorry. This chapter is up sooner, though. Oo, a dubious honor, to be sure…

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Aragorn woke up, and Eruanne was lying on her back over his middle. Which really didn't look very comfortable.

"Eruanne," He shook her shoulder a bit. She opened her eyes.

"My back hurts." She said with amazing clarity. Awkwardly, she squirmed off of him and they both stood up. Sort of, staggered is really more the word.

They made their way to the queen sized bed downstairs, and Aragorn flopped down onto it. Eruanne was a bit more graceful, snuggling next to him, lying her head on his chest. He laid his arm on her back, and they both fell asleep.

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Aus woke up lying on Legolas. Looking around, she saw the clock. It said 1:17. Rubbing her eyes with a slight giggle, she poked Legolas until he woke with a snort, making her giggle more. She practically had to bite her fist to keep from laughing out loud.

"Hmm? Wha…" He said, half asleep.

"Come on." She was still giggling as she stood and pulled him to his feet.

"Woah," He swayed a bit, but kept his footing. Aus took him by the hand and led him to the downstairs bedroom to the twin sized bed.

Aragorn was sprawled diagonally on his back on the other bed, with Eruanne passed out with her head and one hand resting on his chest. They looked adorable sleeping like that.

Aus climbed into her sleeping bag and Legolas followed. She had her back to his chest, and he gently draped his arm over her and kissed her neck softly, and they both fell asleep.

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Will woke up. Angie was sitting in his lap. Aragorn and Legolas were nowhere to be seen. Standing, he picked up Angie. Frankly, he didn't really have a choice, but that is beside the point.

As quietly as he could, he stepped over Van Helsing's legs, which were on the coffee table, and walked over to the stairs. A few steps up, one of the steps creaked alarmingly. He cringed, and looked over to the others. Nothing. He breathed a sigh of relief, and continued up.

He laid her on the bed and pulled a sheet over her, then climbed in the other side. Angie snuggled up to him, and he put an arm around her. Closing his eyes, he fell asleep.

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Paris heard something and woke up, but didn't open his eyes yet. After a few moments, he did. The clock said 1:20.

"Sara," He said softly. She grunted and shifted slightly, giving him a knee in a very sensitive area. After a moment, he recovered and lifted her a little so he could sit up.

"Sara," he tried again, and she seemed to respond a bit this time. "Come on," He stood and pulled her to her feet. She stayed standing, and was conscious, but only in the very broadest sense of the word. Nothing really registered with her, not for more than a few seconds, at least.

He led her to the stairs, where she stumbled a little, but made it the rest of the way up without incident.

She climbed under the sheets of her own power, but would remember nothing in the morning. Paris climbed in next to her, and she rolled over onto him and wrapped her arms around his neck."

"The answer to Life… the Universe… Everything…" She said, hardly coherent, "is…" She paused.

"Yes? The answer is what?" He wrapped his arms around her.

"Is…" She snuggled in closer. "42." And fell asleep. It made Paris's (Paris'? I don't know…) brain hurt to think about that, so he gave up and fell asleep.

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Sergeant Keira and Ella slept like rocks on Van Helsing, who slept like a log with two rocks on it.

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They all sat around the dining table, most rubbing their temples or their eyes. The Advil was passed around, even though it was doubtful it would do much for their hangovers.

"Anybody have a good hangover cure? Like, an Elvish one perhaps?"

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I am a good girl, I updated again.

(runs off to do more on Strange Randomness)


	10. Leise!

Disclaimer: I don't own them. However, we are trying to steal them. (all of the girls are seen wearing all black, and putting black paint on their faces)

**_Tera Earth:_** Maybe. (evil smile) Thank you, it's not really supposed to have a plot, I might attempt one later, though. Eh… I was being odd at that point. I wasn't quite sure what order I wanted them to come in… so… (gets all flustered) Shut up. Winding Circle… is that the Tris's book, Brier's book, Sandry's book, and Daja's book? If so, then yes. I love Tris/Trisana as a name. 'tis very pretty.

**_Gothic-ember:_** Thank you!

**_PrincessofRain:_** Much awsomeness. (smiles)

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Ooo… That works. Thought you'd like that part. (squee) You will have a bit of competition later, I have a friend that likes Legolas too, and she just graduated from high school. Don't worry, you will still be able to keep him.

**_Rose-eye-blonde91:_** Much hotness. (stares and drools) I have thought about that… (trance)

**_Enigmagirl2727:_** Hmm… Wolverine, huh? I haven't really seen X-Men, though… The movie is good, and the books are insane. Read them. :-)

**_Danae/Liese The British Communist Dictator:_** Hello! Glad you like it! Keep reviewing!

Liese is pronounced Liza, like Lisa, but a 'z' instead of an 's'.

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"Lemon juice and… Legolas, that is amazing." He had mixed up a hangover cure, but wouldn't tell the secret of what was in it, besides that it had lemon juice and some sugar, among other things.

"Please?"

"No." Eruanne was trying to weasel the secret out of Aragorn. It was a standard Elvish cure, and he had used it when he had been living in Rivendell. Many times.

"Please?"

"No." She was persistent.

"Don't make me weedle it out of you." Keira warned Legolas, laughing a bit.

"You couldn't." He told her.

"Here, let me try." Aus said. She got up out of her chair, and sat in Legolas's lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she said, "Will you tell me? Please?" She put on her sad puppy face, and smiled charmingly. Legolas sighed.

"No," He said softly. "I can't. I'm sorry." He put his arms around her waist.

"Please?" She could tell he was starting to give in. Unfortunately, at that exact moment, there was a knock at the door, breaking everything up.

"I'll get it." Sara grumbled, pushing herself out of her chair and rolling her eyes. Aus swore under her breath, her spell having been broken by the door.

"Come on, Paris." Sara took him by the hand and pulled him along like a good puppy to the door, which she opened.

"Hey!"

"Liese!" She was fairly tall, with long blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Hi Liese!" Angie called, waving.

"Paris!" Her eyes lit up. "Bloody hell!" She said as she caught sight of Will and Legolas too. "What have you been up to, child?" Sara laughed.

"Oh, nothing." She said innocently, still holding Paris's hand. A bit too innocently.

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"Thanks kid!" Liese called, waving and pushing a rolling office chair down the walkway towards the gate. In it was sitting a guy with curly, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. He was duct taped to the chair so he couldn't get out, and there was a piece over his mouth. He didn't really look very pleased, though Liese did. Very much so.

"See you!"

"Bye!"

"So long!"

"Farewell!"

"Goodbye!" Everybody bid her a fond farewell as she left.

"Sara," Paris asked. "Why did that man loo-"

"Shut it! We are not allowed to speak of this, if you do, you will be deleted from existence." The girls all nodded wisely, and the boys looked rather sheepish. "Now," she said, using a much brighter tone. "It is actually a nice, sunny day today, so what do you say we all go for a walk on the beach?"

This created a general cheer.

"Bathing suits all around?" Ella asked.

"Hell yeah!" Angie cheered.

"Okay, girls off to change, guys follow me to get your swim trunks."

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Sara rummaged through the dresser, and pulled out five pairs of swim trunks. Have you ever wondered why a pair of swim trunks is only one item? Same with a pair of underwear. Why is that? It's just mad.

Anyway, there was green, black, brown, blue, and dark reddish-brown, for, respectively, Legolas, Van Helsing, Will, Paris and Aragorn.

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Okay, I'm going to need a bathing suit description for Aus, Ella, Keira, Eruanne, and Angie if she reviews. I'm thinking about taking her out, because I don't think she is even reading this, so I would have an opening for another fangirl, but it would be for Will. Not that there would be a lack thereof… Whatever.

I have a surprise for Ella in the next chapter. (squee)

If you would like to audition for the part of the fangirl, please fill in this questionnaire:

1.Name:

2. Hair/eye color:

3.How you dress:

3. Bathing suit description:

4. What sort of TV shows you like:

Thank you. (smiles, holding Paris's hand)


	11. Stuff dreams are made of

Disclaimer: Yeah, right. When pigs fly. (A pig is seen outside the window with fluffy, white wings, flying.) Woo-hoo! (glomps Paris to the floor) You can claim you boys, girls! (gets smacked with a briefcase) Ow! Fine, be that way. Evil lawyers…

**_Enigmagirl2727:_** Thank you! It is very fun to write. No, that was about the Hitchhiker's trilogy.

**_Nicky Potter:_** Why aren't you signed in? Just wondering… Yeah, I know it was short, but I couldn't really do much more until I got the bathing suits. Yeah, about that… Legolas won't give it up, and neither will Aragorn, sorry.

**_PrincessofRain:_** Boredom can be a dangerous thing. See what it made me do? (points to story) Thanks for reviewing!

**_Tera Earth:_** Yeah, that's where I got it from. (still a bit flustered) (quote fingers) "Eh… I was being odd at that point. I wasn't quite sure what order I wanted them to come in… so… (gets all flustered) Shut up." (end quote fingers) Pretty much I was being stupid and not paying attention. (points menacingly) Do not mock the authoress! (can't hold a straight face for beans)

**_Random Questioning Elfmaid:_** Oooh yeah! No coincidence there. It is two to the power oftwohundred and seventy-six thousand, seven hundred and nine to one against me just choosing that exact same thing randomly. Thanks for reviewing, even if you didn't say anything about my actual story. (is in a good mood)

**_Dark Borg Drone:_** Well, I was kinda hoping for like, a color… or something…

**_Ara Goddess of the Broken:_** Oooo, a techie! I know a lot of people at school who really like the theater tech. Cool. I can totally understand the swim/board shorts thing, the only reason I sometimes don't wear them is because my mom gets all snarky and says, "Why are you wearing _those_?" I may 'defy' her this summer, though. :D Oh, oh! I love the 60' 70's stuff! I'm more of the 'beach' music (also known as mom's) than the… other… stuff… I don't know what to call it (dad's music). I do like both though. Kiss, Kool and The Gang, Ozzy, Pointer Sisters, The Surfaris, Beach Boys, Warren Zevon, Mr. Mister, (my mom wanted to name me Kyrie after one of their songs. No 'a' sound at the end) Joan Jett, Bangles, Bananarama, B52's, AC/DC, then Love Machine and Hey Mickey, but I don't know who those are by.

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Oh, surf and body board? Oh my effing god. That will be hilarious. Next chapter, maybe…only I don't know how. Beach volley ball might be pretty interesting, too. Okay, tattoos and piercings, cool.

**_Rose-eye-Blonde91:_** Yes, a lovely surprise. I'm pretty sure you will like hi- (gets whacked by Paris) Um, it. Let's test out my wonderful spell check for this. Graffiti. There we go. I love spell check, except that it catches all of the pennames and is annoying about that. Okay, I think I can imagine the top… okay, and the bottoms aren't hard. (laughs) Cute. I don't think you would be able to see them…

Ow. I touched the rack in the oven and burned myself. It had been set to 400 for several minutes. (puts a damp washcloth wrapped around an ice cube on her finger)

(Paris is heard making disparaging remarks)

Shut it, boy!

Yeah, there are some MAJOR plot holes, like why they do this now and not before, and why this wasn't noticed before, but bear with me, it will be funnier if you ignore it.

Congradulations to Ara! She has simply replaced Angie, as I don't wish to have to re-write parts of this chapter.

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"Just like, go into the walk in closet and change." Sara said.

"All of us?" Gabriel asked.

"At the same time?" Will asked.

"Yeah…" Sara replied.

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The girls were all in the downstairs bedroom, where no one could see in. They were all changing quickly, practically ignoring each other. When one finished, she would pretend to be fascinated by something on the wall, floor, or tabletop. When a second finished, they started talking quietly. It continued, until they were all done.

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"Just face the wall or something, and don't turn around until you are all finished." Sara got her bathing suit out, too. "Oh, and you aren't allowed to come out until I say you can, 'cause I'm changing in here. Now go!" They all went in.

Sara's bathing suit was a bikini bottom with yellow binding at the top and a shoreline view of what seemed to be Hawaii or Tahiti or something lovely and tropical like that. There were also some plumeria printed on it.It came with a halter top/takini kind of thing that had the same view on it. She also put on a pair of blue and black Teva sandals.

"Sara!" Aus called, sounding happy on sugar.

"Yo?" She said, opening the door.

"Oh, you look good in that." Aus said.

"Thanks, you look good, too." Aus was in a Australian flag bikini, that showed her belly-button ring and two tattoos, one of a pink, flaming trinity knot on the small of her back, and the other the southern cross on her left shoulder.

"So, where's the eye candy?" Eruanne asked. She was wearing a pretty two piece in blue.

"Oh, that's right. Hey! You guys can come out now! Come on in, girls." She stepped away from the door, and the girls practically tumbled over each other to get in to see their boys. And promptly fell over laughing.

Legolas, Aragorn, Will, and Gabriel all had their arms crossed up high on their chests, as if trying to cover themselves. Paris was the only one who had his hands in his pockets on the sides of his trunks, looking completely at home in only that.

"Come on, get them comfortable in their new attire," Sara said, taking Paris's hand. "I'll meet you guys downstairs. I need to do something." She towed Paris out and down the stairs, but not before he could cast a suggestive glance the guy's way, wink wink.

Sgt. Keira was already running her fingers down Gabriel's chest. Or at least as well as she could with his arms there. She was wearing a two piece, camo bikini, showing a roaring, clawing panther on the small of her back.

"Hey!" Aus called, from the floor where she was kneeling. Everybody looked over. "He has smooth legs!" She started rubbing them a bit, one hand on each leg. "It looks like he shaves them!" All the girls laughed.

"Do you?" Aragorn asked. Boy, just when you think you know someone...

"I most ceirtantly do not!" He protested, the tips of his ears turning pink.

"You know that means he does." Ara said. She was in black bikini, with a pair of board shorts.

"That's not natural for a male to shave his legs." Gabriel told him, now comfortable, with an arm draped over the shoulders of Sgt. Keira and Ella, who was wearing a halter style top, covered in black, orange, pink and white graffiti, and a pair of black boy shorts with a heart on the right cheek.

"Well it's better than you, you have bear legs." Legolas fumed. He still had his arms crossed, and Aus was resting her head on one of his arms and petting the other.

"Burn." Eruanne said into her fist, smiling. They started to argue back and forth a bit.

"Stop it, both of you." Will said, his arm around Ara's waist. "You both have freaky, unnatural looking legs. Now stop this bickering and let's go downstairs, Sara's waiting." The two cast hateful looks at each other, but followed Will downstairs.

When they got down, Sara was just coming out of the storage room with some straw sand mats under one arm, and Paris had some too. They handed one to each girl, each would hold two cozily, but three was a squeeze.

"We ready? Good." She opened the sliding glass door that led onto the small deck with steps that led to a boardwalk made of Trex© (It's like wooden decking, but it's like, recycled plastic or something, so no rotting or splintering. Grey, like weathered wood.). From there it was only about a minute walk down to the beach. If that.

As they reached the end of the boardwalk, we see a young man with dark, curly brown hair running from left to right across the beach, so fast it seemed he was hardly touching the wet sand at all. Then chasing after himwas Liese.

"Nein, dammit!" She yelled. The group continued on.

Then, they caught sight of a figure walking drunkenly towards them. Ella gasped.

"Can it be?" She breathed. The gap closed slowly. "The stuff dreams are made of." She said, and sprinted toward the figure.

"No!" He yelled. Too late, he got tackled to the dry sand.

"Jack Jack Jack!" Ella squealed happily. The rest of the group came over to see her straddling his chest, legs bent behind her, clapping out of sheer excitement.

"Welcome, Captain." Sara greeted him. "You have been summoned here by my amazing powers as an authoress. The better you behave, the more pleasant your stay will be." He looked around at everybody, then caught sight of Will.

"Will? Who's the girl? What happened to Elizabeth?"

"This is Ara." He said. "And Elizabeth…"

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Cut to a small desert island. On it, we see a few sparse trees, Helen of Troy, Elizabeth Swann, Arwen, and a rather burnt and smoking Anna Valerious, all sitting in a circle on the sand.

"Got any threes?" Arwen asked.

"No, go fish." Helen replied.

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"I'm really not sure." He finished. Ella let Jack stand, but didn't let go of his arm. He quickly became accustomed to having a girl (in his mind) so scantily clad hanging on his arm.

The sand mats were unrolled, and all of the couples sat on their respective mats. Some of the girls just laid their heads on a shoulder, some were sitting on a lap, and others were snogging. (coughAUScough) Sorry.

"Wait," Legolas said, pulling away from Aus. "Let me see…" He took her by the chin gently, and made her open her mouth. "What is that?"

"I got my tongue pierced." She said, smiling. He nodded, a bit unsure.

"Unfortunatly, I know exactly how you found that out. Didn't need to know that much." Sara said.

"How would you know that?" Paris asked. There was a collective groan from the girls, and a few shocked faces from the guys.

"You are a prime contender to be the Man-Whore of the year, and you don't even know something like that?" Eruanne said, taken aback.

"Shall I show him, girls?" She asked.

"Yes!" Everybody chorused.

"Alright then. Come 'ere." With a hand on each side of his head, she pulled him over and kissed him. When they finally parted, Paris looked a bit shocked, or confused.

"You," He started. "You rolled your tongue in my mouth."

"Thank you 'That 70's Show'." She said, then smiled at him.

"Do it again." He said, then brought her in close. It wasn't long before they were lying down on the sand mat.

The others looked at each other, and decided it was a good idea and followed suit.

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Yeah, couldn't think of anything else. I will try to update again soon.


	12. Well That's Not Good

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own anything. I might own the (quote fingers) "plot", but I don't know. It may have just been implanted in my brain while I was reading the Sunday comics or looking at all the movies in the TV Guide.

**_I Estel vinta amarbarenna lomeo O Duath:_** ? I'm confused...

**_Rose-Eye-Blonde91:_** You are very welcome. I don't care if you don't use spell check on reviews, I never do. (gets image of a threesome with Ella, Jack, and ice cream) Strange…

**_Ara Goddess of the Broken:_** Woo-Hoo! (claps)

**_PrincessofRain:_** Thank you! I'm updating like a good girl! One of my friends and I plotted to take over the world with sporks and duct tape. Had it all planned out, too, which states to take first. (I live in the U.S.)

I have switched this to Crossovers, because there are too many different characters. I may add some book characters, too.

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"Okay, rules for volleyball," Aus started. They were all walking to the volleyball court, which was the other way from the beach. The court itself was sand and a net. "You can bump, like this," She tossed the ball up, then bumped the ball a few times off her forearms, then caught it. "You can set," Again, she tossed the ball up, did a few sets, then caught it. "And if you want, you can spike it."

"So to spike it…" Aragorn asked.

"Here, let me show you." She walked to the net, and tossed the ball up. In a sudden burst of motion, she slammed the ball down onto the other side of the court. "That, is a spike."

"Don't want to get in her way." Jack said. He had been persuaded into a pair of cargo shorts and a T-shirt, which was what the other guys were wearing, too. It was foggy again, so most of the girls were in their bathing suit tops and shorts.

"Volleyball face." Ara remarked with a smile.

On Aus's team, Team Yard Bird, were Aus and Legolas, Will and Ara, and Ella and Jack.

On Sara's team, Team Polecat, were Sara and Paris, Aragorn and Eruanne, and Sgt. Keira and Van Helsing.

Aus launched a perfect serve. Aragorn dove for it, and bumped it, but was then lying in the sand. Sgt. Keira took the chance and bumped it higher. Paris then set it over the net.

Will was able to get it back over the net with only one bump, but had to go onto his knees to do so. Paris attempted the spike, but it was returned by Legolas, who bumped it. Ara bumped to Ella, who set it over to Jack. He, in turn, bumped it over the net.

Sara bumped it, but had to move out of the way as it didn't get much movement. Van Helsing ran over and set the ball, and Eruanne got it over the net.

Unfortunately for Team Polecat, Aus spiked it, scoring first point.

Then next point came when Will launched the ball out of the court.

Sara did the same thing a bit later.

The final score was:

Team Polecat: 8

Team Yard Bird: 10

"Sandy, sweaty…" Ella muttered.

"Well that was fun." Will said, smiling. Everybody was tired, dirty, and sweaty, but happy. So much so, in fact, that the couples merely stood near each other, and didn't even hold hands.

"Oo! Oo! I know!" Sara said excitedly, waving her hand in the air.

"Sara?" Van Helsing asked, like a teacher calling on a student.

"We can go to the pool!" Everybody gave her strange looks. "We can just jump in like this, hootin' and hollerin'. The pool's crap, anyway."

This was a readily agreed upon idea, and they set off, concocting a simple plan of action as they did so.

Sara was in the lead, followed by the others. She opened the gate that led to a poorly maintained pool and hot tub. The pool was **L** shaped, and the hot tub sat sort of cradled in the **L**.

There were a few people there, a couple in the pool and a couple in the hot tub. There were also a couple people sitting on the lounge chairs reading. The quiet didn't last long.

On a predetermined signal from Ella, Team Yard Bird started to scream victoriously, and eventually it degenerated into wild yells from all. While they were doing so, they were jumping into the pool, in singles or pairs. Eruanne grabbed a hold of Aragorn just before she jumped, and pulled him in after her. Much splashing ensued.

It should be stated that, while there were no casualties, there were quite a few minor injuries. Aragorn barked his shin on the edge of the pool as Eruanne pulled him in, Aus hit her arm painfully on the edge because she didn't jump quite far enough, bruising it. Legolas sustained painful chlorinated eyes from the splashing. Somehow, Sgt. Keira managed to sprain her wrist, though nobody has been able to figure out just how. Sara sprained her ankle when she landed in water that wasn't as deep as she thought. A magazine was also wetted beyond salvation, as were the two unfortunates who were in the pool at the time.

Having done this, they suddenly stopped, the guys climbed out, and one by one, in a very synchronized swimming fashion, they pulled their respective girls out of the pool, and calmly walked off back towards the house. They all felt it was worth the pain. And the guy's shirts were clinging. D

Sara was limping badly, so had to go slower with the help of Paris, and so were at the back. Legolas was practically blinded –his eyes were sensitive-, so Aus had to lead him, and they were second to last.

"Where's Paris and Sara?" Ara asked, looking around. They had gotten inside. At that moment, there came a high-pitched, girly scream from outside, and Paris came running in.

"Sarahasbeenkidnapped!" He said quickly.

"What?" Legolas asked.

"Sarahasbeenkidnapped!" He repeated.

"Put spaces between your words, man!" Van Helsing told him, taking him by the shoulders.

"Sara has been kidnapped." He said as calmly as he could. There was a collective gasp.

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They had all been changed into fitted, short sleeved black shirts, heavy black boots, and rip-stop camo pants.

"They could be in any of the houses." Eruanne said. They all sat around the dining room table, now turned into the war room.

"They may not even be in one of the houses." Aus suggested.

"First, we need to figure out who these people are, and go from there. Paris?" Sgt. Keira said. Everybody looked at him.

"Well?" Ella prompted. "What did they look like?"

"There were two men that looked like brothers, their hair came just to their shoulders. They were heavily armed and armored, and reminded me a little of Aragorn. There was a white, stylized tree on their armor." He said.

"Boromir and Faramir?" Aragorn asked, confused.

"Wait…" Ara said, standing. "Sara has a stash of DVDs under the bench. " She walked over to the bench and lay on her stomach in front of it to search through them. Luckily, Sara was a nerd and they were all alphabetized and in their series order, when applicable. She rummaged a bit, and found what she was looking for. "Was this who you saw?" She held up the FoTR DVD, pointing to the small picture of Boromir.

"Yes, that was one of them." he told her. They had all gathered around Ara.

"What would Boromir and Faramir want with Sara?" Eruanne mused.

"Besides the obvious?" Jack said. Everybody looked at him. After a moment of awkward silence, Paris spoke up again.

"They weren't the only ones there."

"_What?_" Van Helsing said.

"There were two others. One was Patróklos, I know, and the other looked a bit younger. He had reddish hair," Ara was already rifling through the DVDs. "and was wearing an orange jacket, jeans-"

"Scotty?" Ella asked, getting the "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" DVD out. There wasn't a picture of him, so she did scene selection to the point where he come up, and paused it. "Him?"

"Yes, him." They all made their way back to the makeshift war room.

"Boromir, Faramir, Patróklos, and Scott Evil." Aus mused aloud.

"What do they all have to do with each other, and with Sara?" Legolas continued. Sgt. Major Keira was simply observing her Privates, trying to draw her own conclusions.

"We must hunt them down, we must save her!" Will burst out, suddenly standing up.

"Will honey," Ara said, putting a hand on his arm. "We're trying to figure out where they took her right now." He sat down reluctantly. "and you have already used that line." His mouth shaped into an 'oh'. Sergant Major Keira tipped her chair back against the wall to think. Paris got up and started pacing, running his fingers through his curly hair. Ara rested her elbow on the table, and chin on her hand. Van Helsing leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. Will leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees, and Jack stroked his braided beard.

Aus got up, looking out of the glass door.

"Uh, people," She walked around the table to open the door. Everybody followed her gaze out into the bay. "Has there always been a Greek warship anchored in the bay?" She said, opening the door.

They all followed her out onto the deck, wide-eyed.

"Make that a _fleet_ of Greek warships." Legolas said. Indeed, more became visible.

"Well that's not good." Jack said, always stating the obvious.

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Sorry it took so long to update. There is now 'plot'. Woot!


	13. New recruits

Disclaimer: I own none of the guys in this story, hot or otherwise.

**_DragonDaughter17:_** Yes, king sized is good. Lancelot? That was random...

**_…: _**Uh, Yeah. If I knew who you were, then I would try to explain my reasoning to not picking you…

**_Ara Goddess of the Broken:_** Yes! Huzzah for plot-ness! Hmmm… I'll try to work that in somewhere…

**_I Estel vinta amarbarenna lomeo O Duath:_** Cah, your name is long. I just wasn't sure what had happened.

**_Anotherblastedromantic:_** Thank you! I enjoy it much. Do you mean virginity? (gets whacked upside the head by muse) Ow! Sorry. I question my own sanity sometimes. (grins stupidly)

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Thank you very much! Oo, I feel special… Well, I have read all of your stories, and who knows, I might just be following you. (wiggles fingers at you) Woogly woogly woo… Okay I'll stop. Yes, a plot. My first real plot in fanfiction, other than the MS parody, 'cause my friend gets credit for that plot. Ooo, I hope you have fun! But wait, isn't 12 months a long way off? Oh well… Well, Jack is with Ella, you have Legolas, and as for Elladan and Elrohir… I think I know where they are, but I'm not saying yet. It will come up later.

Hey, ow! Stop it, you mean little thing! Ah! Evil! Ow, stop biting! That's it, I'm getting a canning jar!

"Heedley foo…" The little green creature said, pathetically.

No, if you can't behave, you are going in the jar.

"Heedley-" His voice is cut off as Sara puts a large canning jar over him, then flips it over and secures the top, then sets it next to her.

There. Hey, Aus, would you mind coming and collecting him? I'm running out of Band-Aids and Neosporin.

Okay, just a note, I use 'The Iliad' spellings, as translated by Robert Fitzgerald

Akhilleus Achilles etc…

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"Think we should get some new recruits?" Aus asked.

"Yeah, that could be helpful against a fleet of Greek warships." Sgt. Major Keira said. She walked back inside and sat down at the laptop. "Any suggestions?"

"How about Hektor?" Eruanne suggested, elbowing Paris in the ribs.

"Alright," She typed in 'Hector, Prince of Troy, appeared in the room next to Paris.' When she hit enter, an error message popped up:

**Unable to retrieve requested data.**

"Unable to… What?" Aragorn said, confused.

"Try Hektor with a 'k'." Paris suggested. She changed it, but got the same error message.

"Try Roland from the 'Dark Tower' series." Legolas suggested. Everybody looked at him. "What?"

"You know who Roland is?" Ella asked.

"Of course. It's a great series. Make sure to specify him from the Gunslinger." Sgt. Major Keira turned back to the screen. It was a good thing he said that, because a gunslinger missing his first two fingers on his 'smart' hand would do less good than if he had them all.

"Hello, there." Ara said, turning. Roland looked around at all of the faces staring at him.

"Get him up to speed, Ara, we still need more help." She turned back to the laptop.

Now, Sara pictures him as looking a bit like Aragorn, mainly the hair. Of course, he was wearing jeans, a black button up shirt, boots, and his two guns with the extra rounds. Ara got him caught up, and understanding as much as possible about what got him here and what was happening.

"Guys, I want you to go back there," Sgt. Major Keira said, waving back towards the couches. "for these ones. I'm not sure how they would react to you, possibly violently. Girls, I want you to sit around here."

Drizzt Do'Urden, Artemis Entreri, and Jarlaxle were next. Sgt. Major Keira had seen their names in an unposted fanfiction document of Sara's.

Jarlaxle was the most calm. He was wearing heavy boots, bark pants, a short vest showing his sexy (had to, sorry (grins)) abs, a multi-colored, shimmering cape, an eye patch (though he wasn't missing an eye), several rings, necklaces, two wands in his belt, and a purple hat with a large feather in it. The only sign of aggression he showed was fingering one of his throwing daggers as he pulled the brim of his hat a bit lower over his eyes against the light.

Entreri and Drizzt were both wearing non-descript (meaning the authoress doesn't feel like looking it up, and is doubtful if R.A. Salvatore described it sufficiently anyway) pants, soft boots, shirts, and chain mail. Drizzt had a dark green, fur lined cloak, while Entreri's was too dark to be able to tell if it was blue, green, or brown.

"Is this another one of your tricks, Jarlaxle?" Entreri asked, jeweled dagger and saber drawn, in a ready crouch. Drizzt also had his twin scimitars drawn and ready.

All they saw was five girls wearing forest camo pants, black boots, and fitted black t-shirts. One of them had a laptop on her lap, though they didn't know what it was of course, with a Civil War Union slouch hat on her head and a whip in her belt. (just put Civil War Union Slouch Hat in Google images, and you will find it, should be the first one there) She seemed the biggest threat, but wasn't making any moves. One of her wrists was wrapped up, anyway.

"No, I did nothing to cause this." Jarlaxle said.

"Dark Elves." Legolas whispered. They all spun around to see five men and one Elf dressed as the girls were lounging on the couches, and one resting his forearms on the top of the wall at the stairs. (A/N: Drizzt and Jarlaxle are dark Elves, a.k.a., drow, Entreri is human)

"How do you know all this?" Will questioned.

"I read." It was then that they noticed that the three on that couch all looked like brothers. Two looked like identical twins, and the blonde one looked like an older brother.

After they had been debriefed- uh, both told about the mission and… ahem, changed- and Jarlaxle had been given a pair of wraparound sunglasses, they were all standing at attention outside in the parking lot.

The girls were all equipped with steel toed and heeled boots and brass knuckles, as they were pretty sure it would come to blows and most of their enemies were most likely going to be male, hint hint. The Boys of the group were all equipped with their respective weapons.

"Why am I not allowed to have my cape?" Jarlaxle asked.

"No capes!" Sgt. Major Keira barked at him. "No cloaks either. They could get sucked into an airplane engine." Nobody dared to point out that they would not be going anywhere near any airplanes.

"Sara has been kidnapped." She continued, adopting a German accent. "You vill succeed in returning her, _ja_? Und you vill not fail!" She accented 'fail' with a crack of her whip, making everyone jump a bit.

444 Let's see just what happed to Sara, shall we?

Sara woke up propped up against what she later found out to be the inside hull of a Greek warship. When she looked up, she accidentally looked up Akilleus' man-skirt. It was like a train wreck; you know you don't want to see what's there, but you can't help yourself or look away.

Her head and ankle hurt. What happened? Oh, the pool, right. But her head… Well…

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She had her arm over Paris' (not again) shoulders, and he had his arm around her waist. Her sprained ankle prevented her from walking properly. Predictably, it was her left ankle. Her mom had done something to her left ankle, and her dad had done something to his lower left leg, and both had ended up in shoe-booties. The left side family curse.

They heard something behind them, and turned around. Sara was immediately hit on the head with the butt of Akilleus sword, wielded by his little gay concubine- I mean, Patróklos.

Scott Evil caught her under the arms from behind. Paris screamed like a little school girl and ran. Boromir hauled her off like a sack of potatoes.

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Oh.

"Get up." Akilleus ordered. She looked up at him, dazed. His face was grave.

"I sprained my ankle, can I have some help?" He reached down and took her by the wrist and hauled her up easily.

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"Are there sharks in the bay?" Aus asked.

"Yes." Eruanne said. Aus cursed under her breath. They would be fine, as… as long as the boats didn't tip.

They had four motorboats, and were launching them into the bay, from the beach. The few people who were there were watching them with a mixture of curiosity and fear.

In the lead boat was Sgt. Major Keira, Van Helsing (who was manning the motor), Roland and Drizzt. The Sgt. Major was at the bow, looking rather like George Washington crossing the Delaware.

Eruanne, Aragorn (motor boy), Aus, and Legolas were in the next boat. Aus was holding onto the edge of the bow, looking into the water. Well, trying, at least. The water wasn't very clear.

Next came Ella, Jack (motor boy), Ara and Will.

In the last boat was Jarlaxle (motor…drow), Entreri, and Paris. That was an interesting combination.

First, they had to get past the breakers. It was, literally, a stomach turning experience. More than few bottom dwellers were fed that afternoon.

A bit later, Paris sat nervously, as far away from Entreri as physically possible. Entreri, in turn, had his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing Paris in a rather bored way.

"What is wrong with you?' Entreri asked.

"Th- they have my girl. I intend to get her back." Paris responded.

"Your daughter?"

"Uh, no. My-"

"Do you have such lack of respect for women that you think they belong to you?" Entreri stated bluntly. Paris just gaped at him, thinking he might not be as bad as he first thought.

"Uh- well, I- um," He stuttered, then fell silent and looked away. Jarlaxle was grinning widely behind his sunglasses, and had been since the conversation had started.

There were shouting voices coming from one of the ships. They made their way a quietly as they could –considering they were in motor boats (sticks tongue out and blows a raspberry, laughs)- over to the side of the ship, staying as out of sight as they could.

Roland tied a rope to the outboard motor, then tossed it to the next boat, where Jack tied it to his outboard motor, then Aragorn tied it to his, and last to the boys in boat four. Entreri tied it securely to their motor.

"We need that notebook!" It was Akilleus' voice, and he didn't sound pleased.

"What notebook?"

"That's Sara." Paris whispered excitedly. Legolas shushed him.

"How am I supposed to know, I don't know how many you have."

Jarlaxle made a motion to the others, and pointed to a large hole in the side of the ship, and slipped through, rope in hand.

"I could have sworn that wasn't there a second ago." Aus said, as they all followed him in.

"Everyone in? Good." He tied a knot in the end of the rope, and took back his portable hole.

"I want one of those." Aus said, understanding.

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Drizzt, Entreri, and Jarlaxle are from R. A. Salvatore's Forgotten Realms series.


	14. Fish!

Disclaimer: The plot is a standard heroic journey. Not that special. The characters belong to their respective creators, the girls belong to themselves, and I own me. So all you copyright lawyers may kindly piss off.

**_Mousewolf:_** (growls back) Yay! Somebody besides Aus thinks I'm funny!

**_Enigmagirl2727:_** It's okay. I take no offence. (grins) Okay, I have to admit, the last round of fangirls was really just who I felt like putting in there. I was using my logic. Be afraid. Be very, afraid. Um, the, uh, new four, were um, simply, new recruits. (cough)

**_Tera Earth:_** That's okay, at least you do review. At the beginning of the chapter, I put that I was using the Robert Fitzgerald spellings. I never said that Paris was on the ship. They were eavesdropping on the conversation on deck. And, no, I'm not taking more fangirls, sorry.

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Okay, this is getting kinda creepy. I think Elladan and Elrohir are in this chapter. And yes you may. I can put some of that stuff in there, sounds interesting. Fair trade off. Well, I think you sort of get the short end of the stick, unless you can get Drake to behave. I sure can't. (overnight's the jar to you)

**_Lady Nicole Potter:_** That's okay. Sometimes the alerts can be stupid. I figured it would be approprate to put you in charge, as you are _Sergeant_ Keira. Yeah, the German part made me laugh, too. If you go to my website, I have a list of the R. A. Salvatore books. There are a lot of authors that do Forgotten Realms, so be sure to get the R. A. Salvatore ones. JARLAXLE IS MINE! (cough) Sorry. (laughs)

Just a bit of background about drow, I feel it is sort of necessary. Drow, as a race, are evil and bloodthirsty. Drizzt and Jarlaxle, though, aren't standard drow. They actually care. Drow live underground, and have white hair, and black skin. Jarlaxle, however, shaves his head.

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"Ow! That was my foot!"

"Sorry, but it's dark in here."

"Who ever is touching my butt had better remove their hand or I will do it for them." Entreri said, and the hand was removed. "Thank you."

There was a crash, and somebody said, "I didn't do it!" and was immediately shushed by everyone.

"Aus, you have got to try and be at least a bit more quiet." Legolas said.

Up on deck, Akhilleus and others heard crashes, bangs, clunks, and a lot of other noises coming from below decks. There were also curses in several different languages, one of which made Elladan and Elrohir blush a deep red.

"_Kolsen'shea orbb!_" Came a cry from below. Nobody understood it, as it was drow for 'pull the legs off a spider', an act punishable by death. Hektor heard a curse or two in Greek, and then there were many in nearly every conceivable dialect of English.

Akhilleus looked at the others and nodded towards the door leading down to where all the noise was coming from. Count Dracula, Haldir, Indiana Jones, Boromir and Faramir got up, grumbling slightly, and proceeded down to see who was making all the noise.

"I'll give you one last chance." Akilleus said in a low voice. "Where is the notebook?" Sara then did what any sixteen-year-old girl would do when confronted with a confusing situation with no prior warning. She started to cry. Hard.

"You made her cry, dogface!" Hektor said. Even he knew that you can't get any information from a crying girl. "You stupid sack of wine." He added, more quietly.

"Don't cry, please don't cry anymore. Come on." Draco Malfoy said. He knelt next to Sara and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I never didn't know you knew how to treat girls, Malfoy." Harry Potter said, leaning back in his chair.

"Well I do. If it means that I don't have to," he paused, trying to find adequate words to express his disgust. "touch you ever again in those disgusting fan fictions, I will do it." Harry shuddered at the memories. It was pretty bad.

There was an obscure war cry from below decks, and Indiana came up, holding his bleeding nose. Then there were some strange, slapping sounds in rapid succession.

"Fish!" Someone shouted, and they all came running back out.

"Artemis! Don't you dare kill him!" A moment later, a rather sheepish looking Boromir came out.

"We will kill all of your friends, then take the notebook and kill you." Akilleus said to Sara. She started crying even harder, and wrapped her arms around Draco's neck.

"I don't know what multi-verse you are from, but what you are doing is the opposite of help." Draco said. Akilleus looked absolutely bewildered. Maybe women from this time and place were different from those of his one time and place.

"Pray for mercy from Ella," Ella said, holding a gun that looked like a cross between a machine gun and a Super Soaker. "with fish!" She shot out randomly, hitting Commodore Norrington, Inspector Abberline and Dr. Evil. The ones that came towards Edward Scissorhands were instantly cut into filets.

There was mass confusion for a few minutes, in which several of the men fell to the deck holding their… ahem, parts. Suddenly, it all stopped.

"Alright," Harry said, breathing hard. "If you won't give us the notebook, maybe you can just do us one favor, and get rid of all of those disgusting slash stories."

"Slash stories? Akilleus said they could get rid of all my so called daughters." Haldir said.

"I was told my hundreds of self proclaimed sisters and girlfriends." Scott Evil added.

"I was told of world domination." Dr. Evil had to add his two cents.

"Daughters and 'true loves', despite the fact I'm married with a son." Hektor said. Inspector Abberline had the same experience, as did Indiana Jones.

"Twincest, as I believe it has been called." Elladan said. Elrohir nodded.

"More brides than I can shake a stick at." Count Dracula added. "And, of course, daughters, which is impossible."

"My mind is unclean!" Faramir yelled, clawing at his head and trying to cleanse his mind's eye of his own slash experiences and those unfortunately described. Boromir shifted slightly with a disgusted look on his face.

Akilleus shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and was suddenly very interested in the planking on the deck.

"You are the commander of trash, Akilleus! You cannot trick people into fighting for you!" Paris said. Sara was still crying, but was now in Paris' arms. "Also, you have to treat women gently. That's why I got all the action while you got a woman as a gift from your army." Sara hit his on the arm and mumbled something at him. "I would not shag a hole in a barbershop floor!" She mumbled something else. "I am not a horny bugger!"

"Okay, I have a better idea…" Sgt. Major Keira interjected.

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"Alright, here we go." Ara said. "We, the fanfiction writers of the world, agree to reduce, tone down, and generally obliterate nasty slash, Mary-Sues, and general bad writing from the 'net, and use it for parodies only." She read off. "And we, the commonly OOC-ed characters of said movies, books, and other forms of free speech agree to not kill the said writers, expect in cases of extreme need." The living room of the house was pretty full, with most of the people sitting on the floor.

"So basically," Eruanne said. "We will only write slash and Mary-Sues so over the top that they cannot be taken seriously, and you can only kill repeat offenders that refuse to comply with the set rules."

"Any questions?" Aus asked. There was a general consensus of no. Sara had fallen asleep on Paris. If she hadn't, she would be conducting most of the peace negotiations.

Ella typed up a copy on the computer, while everybody signed the original document. Sara woke up briefly to scribble her name.

When Ella hit the save button, there was a general feeling of relief. It seemed to them as if the memories were distant, like a half-remembered dream, than actual actions.

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The men that were on the ships were all sent home, with an assurance of much reduced instances of bad fanfiction, though of course nothing could guarantee total obliteration. There was always an iota of chance that nobody would pay attention to the treaty, and those that signed it signed it on behalf of all the other that were not present.

Roland and Drizzt were sent back at their request, but Jarlaxle and Artemis stayed because they were just too awesome. Sara was put to bed, as she was already sleeping on Paris.

It was getting a bit late by the time all this was accomplished, so Artemis and Jarlaxle were given sleeping bags and slept in the large walk in closet in the master bedroom. The closet was separated into a sort of 'his and hers' closets, so each got one side.

Unfortunately, they were all –Jarlaxle, Artemis, and Paris- woken up around midnight when Sara was puking her guts up.

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About fifteen minutes later, Sara, Artemis and Aus were sitting in the ER. Paris had woken Aus up, as she was the only one with a low enough blood alcohol ratio to drive. He had wanted to go, but Aus told him about rabid fangirls, so Artemis was elected to go. Jarlaxle's white eyebrows may have raised a few questions.

"Oh, I should call my mom," Sara said. Her voice was thick with sleep still. Getting her cell phone out, she dialed.

"Hi, is Peggy there? Okay. Hi mom. I'm in the ER. I hit my head. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Icky. Hurt my ankle, too. Okay. No, one of my friends drove me down. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, bye."

"Well?" Artemis asked.

"Well what? I called her up in Labor and Delivery." The receptionist called her up then, took her blood pressure, asked the relation to her of Aus and Artemis, and sent her to a room.

Amazingly, they weren't too busy, and a doctor came in fairly quickly.

"So, what happened, exactly?" The doctor asked.

"I hurt my ankle and I hit my head." It came out as more of a slow, slurred "Ah hur' mah ancle an' ah hi' mah head."

"I see." He said, sounding unconvinced.

"We jumped into a pool, and she landed too shallow." Aus piped in.

"And her head?"

"Patróklos hit me with the hilt of Akilleus' sword." Sara told him. Aus was looking at the sink, trying to find out how you turned it on. There were no knobs.

"Uh, huh." He looked to Artemis. Aus waved her hand under the faucet, but there was no motion detector.

"I wasn't there. I can't tell you what happened. She wasn't either." He said, nodding to Aus.

"Woah!" Aus said. There were two pedals in front of the sink on the floor. When she stepped on one, the water had come out. "That's cool." She said, grinning like a maniac. Sara giggled stupidly. Artemis stood there with his hands behind his back, one eyebrow raised slightly.

"Did she hit her head too?" The doctor asked.

"No. She is always like that." Aus was trying to play a song with the two pedals. Futile, yes, but she was making a valiant effort. She got something going that resembled a waltz.

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Sara was confined to crutches for a few weeks, and had a concussion. Most of the next day was spent watching TV and giggling at it, eating some light food, and sleeping.

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Sorry it took so long to update. I'm a bad girl. But I made this chapter nice and long. School started, and I'm taking American Sign Language, Honors American Lit, Chemistry, Algebra 2, US History, and Choir.

Oh! And Aus! I updated my website! It has more pictures and I put that fanfiction for LoTR up! AND, in one of our choir songs, the second sopranos have a repeating line of "Gracing us, guarding us, healing us…" We have issues with sounding very American and singing "UHs", and I always think "Gracing Aus, guarding Aus, healing Aus…" It's funny…


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